Of Triage and Harvest Moons

Things have been rough lately. Very rough. As a family we seem to be going through one of those periods in life when, if you aren’t mired in it, you marvel that in can be endured. Each of us is facing big things. Big life things. Things that, if they stood alone, would be crisis enough. When they come together, you either have to laugh or cry, because it hardly seems possible to keep putting one foot in front of the next.

I’ve done my share of crying. Alone at night. On the kitchen floor. In the bathroom when it has been the only escape. Most bouts of tears have been triggered by little things – nothing in the house for dinner type stuff. Stuff I would typically use as an excuse to go out. And I could have this time too. Except I know the stress needs an outlet, the tears must flow and carry their load and toxins away. And sometimes you just need the small things to get them started.

We have been triaging. We have been running from urgent matter to urgent matter, unable to slow it down or step back and prioritize. Like mice in a maze, we are on autopilot. We run around putting out fires, usually fairly quickly after the start, but not always. Medical tests, meetings, school issues, work projects, repeat.

The problem with triage is that maintenance never happens and important things get missed, laying the groundwork for the next crisis….

The good news is we are digging out. Sadly, I’ve had to drop some balls that really mattered to me, but nothing that will change my life. That’s what happens when you are in triage mode.

One of those balls was dropped last night. Last night was the first night of one of my favorite Jewish holidays – Sukkot – a harvest festival dating back to biblical days. In temporary shelters that allow you to see the stars though the roof covered with leaves, we eat, sleep and visit with friends. The holiday lasts a week, and I typically enjoy waking up with the sun and the birds (and ideally not the neighbor’s gardeners) a morning or two each year. But this year building and decorating our sukkah got triaged off the list. Schlepping the poles and tarps and decorations from the garage just wasn’t in the cards. It happens…

When I woke up this morning, after a late night helping a certain child stay motivated to finish a paper, I realized that I also missed the harvest moon. Grrrrr. I mean, I know that’s not exactly high on the priority list, but damn if I didn’t want to see it.

See, it’s more than just another moon. Back in June I had the deep honor of spending a week in Bolinas, California in Marin County (before you look for it on a map, grab a magnifying glass!) at Commonweal’s Cancer Help Program. CHP is something I’ll be writing about one of these days – but to be honest, I’m still processing. Suffice to say it was a life-changing, life-affirming, life-embracing, life-living week. On our last night together our group sat in the living room at Pacific House taking about going home. We also had a sentry on duty that evening, charged with the responsibility of letting us know when the Super Moon began to rise, and when it did we all left our meeting to view the moon together. And what a magnificent moon it was! Dabbling in the world of ritual, we all agreed that on each new moon we would stop to reconnect with our little group. Since leaving Commonweal I’ve been steadfast (BOTH times) about taking those moments for our group, about sending light and healing and love to the magnificent souls whose journey crossed mine that week, to pray for their wellness and wholeness. And last night I missed it…

It’s symbolic of the triaging around here, and I’m trying to take it lightly. When we focus all of our energy on the BIG things, which rightly, understandably demand attention, we miss out on the little things. But sometimes we confusing the big things and the little things.

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.                                    It’s the life in your years.”

– Abraham Lincoln

Good news! The “official” full moon was this morning at 7:13 AM. So last night was 12 hours early, I’m doing it 12 hours late. It’s ok – my Commonweal friends get it!

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